Saturday, July 25, 2009

Rainy Saturday what eles to do.

So today is Saturday and here i am...Stuck inside with 3 of my children. misus my daughter who is currently in tx visitng with my sister and nicece...Boy how do i miss her terribly. i knew i'd be sad without her here, but i never thought i'd miss her more then anything the minutue she walked out that door at 3am yesterday morning!...I've probaly already have called and texted her a hundred million times, that im sure she is already thinking Ugh its my mom again =( but i can't help it but know what she is doing at all times!@>..Which has got me thinking!...How in the world am i gonna make it when kevin leaves us for 15months..I dont think no matter how many times he tells me, that its all for good choices and he will be back before we know it, that i will truly never understand, or believe him i know it might sound mean!...But its just part of being hurt, it truly feels so much more then a deployment to me..It feels like someone has litterly started to pull my heart out, and its not even out yet!..He isnt even out of the state or country yet!..And if im hurting this bad how much is it gonna hurt when he is gone for a very long time!... Ive always been the one who has supported this war, and other counties..But i just feel after all these long and hard years, that it is time to bring All of our loved ones home, and keep them home!... We can never replace the time we miss with our love ones, hubsands, children who ever it may be..Cause there will never be another yesterday as the one that passed already...We can't go back intime, we can only move forward!.But for someone who has all their marriage depended on the other one, for someone who has, had spent everyday of the last 5years with this person, yet let alone been married to them for 10yrs, there heart starts become unseparateable, and thats how my heart is with Kevin's..And now we have to be seperated it hurts, its so much more painful then anything i have ever had to go through in my 28yrs of living!...Its something that i dont ever wanna feel again =(...Even though all the family and friends say its gonna be okay and we are gonna get through this im not unsure, but i truly appericate all the kind words of love and support!..And i hope that im able to keep myself together for my children!...Although they totaly do drive me crazy and there has been times i just feel like walking away and never looking back!..But without them i truly dont know where i would be, i know alot of people say that, but i truly mean it from the bottom of my heart!...I just wish sometimes that they would listen to me more often instead of being so bad, but im truly to take the time to understand that they are only gonna be little for to little time!...I just want them to grow up respecting people and others!..While kevin is away i plan on trying to do just more things that ive havnt done in probaly 5yrs!..Im gonna try and keep myself as focus as i can, im gonna trust in god and let him handle things the way things should be handle!..And hopfuly he understand's just how much we love this one Man!!! And bring our kevin home to us!..I feel like i took so many things for granted and now im having to go through all this pain to have them back and its totaly unfair!.. Its not how i onced firgured when you love someone so much!I just hope god give me the strength to be strong, and Not fall down and end up where i was 18months ago cause that is something i have vowed to fight and never go through again,,.And i mean it, i owe to it my children!... Depression can take a life away in a blink of an eye!>..And i seen that through my eyes of my own!..So please all im asking from God, and my friends and family is to just say a prayer for the scheller's and to keep kevin in your heart and prayers!....We need him to come home very fast!...thats all for now i will blog again soon...i will never stay away long =)

Do Angel's Exist?

What is an angel? Do they exist?
How would you know if there was one in your midst?
Are all of them beautiful in our imperfect of sight?
Would our eyes judge their beauty or their heart shine a light?
Does God send them to us? Have they always been here?
Would you walk right on past one If your sight wasn't clear?
Open your heart to the possibilities today Of people in your life and the part that they play
Do you judge them, ignore them, your help do they need?
Open your mind and your heart and with love then proceed.

A Mother's Prayer
God give me strength each and everyday,
And help me do right and always hear what you say.
I know this body of mine is only flesh, so please forgive me when I make my life a mess.
I make so many mistakes every day, but you still sent four little angels my way.
Help me to teach them right each and every day.
Please be their guiding light and their shelter through the storm,
and please be there to keep my little angels warm.
Thank you so much for all the love you give
to a wife and a mother that you have blessed with four kids.

I love you Sandra, Landon, Logan, Mason miles =)

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