Thursday, July 30, 2009

Exhausted..And stressed all in one..

Okay so this morning i woke up early..I hate sleeping late it always makes the rest of the day lazy and tired for me...Although i woke up feelin quite good,but then my children had to wake up already starting to be bad, my sons started fighting the min they opened their eyes, my 18month old you can't even touch him anymore without him crying and getting mad, all he ever wants to do it hit you in the face and kick you..I honestly dont know what has gotton into my boys over the summer Mason used to be so sweet and lately its like he is already hitting the terrible two's already, with landon and logan 24/7 fighting its like they never ever wanna be nice to one another!...I thought my daughter was a pain in the butt, but no where near my sons, Gosh i love them more then life, but they never seem to give me a break..I dont understand why they dont just play and be good and nice to one another!...This totaly isnt helping with the stress of my husband leaving for 15months, it just seems like they never ever give me a second to breath, cause im always having to focus on them fighting and hitting one another, and my 18month old bein mean, he never wants to share and is always hitting..I totaly feel like im gonna lose it, when logan cries 24/7 all i have to do is raise my voice and its like he has been beaten..But he still doesnt listen either, he is just a super easy kid how will cry about anything that comes to close to him....Ilove them so much and wouldnt give them up for nothing..But im seriously in the need of a break or something isnt gonna be looking to just so exhausted and stress, that the life of a stay at home mommy with 4 small children to close in age, has taken its toll!!!>..i can't wait for school to start, although that means kevin will be leaving us,....but i know i cant have it both ways and i know i cant have it the way i want it so i will take it the other way school needs to come sooner =) thats all for now will update again

Wednesday, July 29, 2009



Monday, July 27, 2009

Had a Good Day..Still missing my daughter

Well yesterday i had a very good day, kevin was off work and we spent most of the day together, i got in the pool for a bit but water was to cold so i got out, me and kevin fixed breakfast for dinner, pancakes, and bacon was yummy!..He finished traning on post so had the day off it made me feel wonderful and i was some what stressed free! =) i know there are only a couple more of these days to come so im trying to enjoy them!..But it was back to work today for LB&B, so we can have a paycheck..Hopfuly this weekend will be our weekend and the last for LB&B...please keep us in your prayers =) God bless and remember i appericate all the help that has been offered!...Once again im very thankful =)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Rainy Saturday what eles to do.

So today is Saturday and here i am...Stuck inside with 3 of my children. misus my daughter who is currently in tx visitng with my sister and nicece...Boy how do i miss her terribly. i knew i'd be sad without her here, but i never thought i'd miss her more then anything the minutue she walked out that door at 3am yesterday morning!...I've probaly already have called and texted her a hundred million times, that im sure she is already thinking Ugh its my mom again =( but i can't help it but know what she is doing at all times!@>..Which has got me thinking!...How in the world am i gonna make it when kevin leaves us for 15months..I dont think no matter how many times he tells me, that its all for good choices and he will be back before we know it, that i will truly never understand, or believe him i know it might sound mean!...But its just part of being hurt, it truly feels so much more then a deployment to me..It feels like someone has litterly started to pull my heart out, and its not even out yet!..He isnt even out of the state or country yet!..And if im hurting this bad how much is it gonna hurt when he is gone for a very long time!... Ive always been the one who has supported this war, and other counties..But i just feel after all these long and hard years, that it is time to bring All of our loved ones home, and keep them home!... We can never replace the time we miss with our love ones, hubsands, children who ever it may be..Cause there will never be another yesterday as the one that passed already...We can't go back intime, we can only move forward!.But for someone who has all their marriage depended on the other one, for someone who has, had spent everyday of the last 5years with this person, yet let alone been married to them for 10yrs, there heart starts become unseparateable, and thats how my heart is with Kevin's..And now we have to be seperated it hurts, its so much more painful then anything i have ever had to go through in my 28yrs of living!...Its something that i dont ever wanna feel again =(...Even though all the family and friends say its gonna be okay and we are gonna get through this im not unsure, but i truly appericate all the kind words of love and support!..And i hope that im able to keep myself together for my children!...Although they totaly do drive me crazy and there has been times i just feel like walking away and never looking back!..But without them i truly dont know where i would be, i know alot of people say that, but i truly mean it from the bottom of my heart!...I just wish sometimes that they would listen to me more often instead of being so bad, but im truly to take the time to understand that they are only gonna be little for to little time!...I just want them to grow up respecting people and others!..While kevin is away i plan on trying to do just more things that ive havnt done in probaly 5yrs!..Im gonna try and keep myself as focus as i can, im gonna trust in god and let him handle things the way things should be handle!..And hopfuly he understand's just how much we love this one Man!!! And bring our kevin home to us!..I feel like i took so many things for granted and now im having to go through all this pain to have them back and its totaly unfair!.. Its not how i onced firgured when you love someone so much!I just hope god give me the strength to be strong, and Not fall down and end up where i was 18months ago cause that is something i have vowed to fight and never go through again,,.And i mean it, i owe to it my children!... Depression can take a life away in a blink of an eye!>..And i seen that through my eyes of my own!..So please all im asking from God, and my friends and family is to just say a prayer for the scheller's and to keep kevin in your heart and prayers!....We need him to come home very fast!...thats all for now i will blog again soon...i will never stay away long =)

Do Angel's Exist?

What is an angel? Do they exist?
How would you know if there was one in your midst?
Are all of them beautiful in our imperfect of sight?
Would our eyes judge their beauty or their heart shine a light?
Does God send them to us? Have they always been here?
Would you walk right on past one If your sight wasn't clear?
Open your heart to the possibilities today Of people in your life and the part that they play
Do you judge them, ignore them, your help do they need?
Open your mind and your heart and with love then proceed.

A Mother's Prayer
God give me strength each and everyday,
And help me do right and always hear what you say.
I know this body of mine is only flesh, so please forgive me when I make my life a mess.
I make so many mistakes every day, but you still sent four little angels my way.
Help me to teach them right each and every day.
Please be their guiding light and their shelter through the storm,
and please be there to keep my little angels warm.
Thank you so much for all the love you give
to a wife and a mother that you have blessed with four kids.

I love you Sandra, Landon, Logan, Mason miles =)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Daddy Please Dont go

Okay i've been feeling a little better, but ive been doing alot of thinking and writting and ive come up with a few good poems!...These are for my Love of my life Kevin. d.Scheller i love you with all my heart honey!

From the moment I met You,
Love has filled my heart.I will belong to you forever,
I knew it from the start.You make each day worth living,
You make me feel worth while.You fill my life with laughter,
You always make me smile.
Your love and endless kindness have gently filled my life.
I pledge my love to you forever, I'm proud to be your wife.

Daddy Please Dont go.

Daddy don't go .Pretend you don't have a war to fight.

Tell mommy everything is going to be alright.
I'm worried about mommy she is very sad.
sometime it really makes me mad..
Daddy please stay here with us and.
daddy please don't go catch that bus.
Now i am beginning to fuss. Daddy do you have to go?
To place that I will not know...
Now daddy has flown away to a place where they are ahead yet another day.
Mommy tries to smile but its only once in a while.
When she looks at pictures of you she starts to get blue.
She misses you so much she said she misses your touch.
Daddy will you call everyday?Daddy why did you have to go away?
Daddy I love you and miss you so much.
Daddy come home soon so i can feel your touch.

A poem from me, for my kids, to our hero =(

Kevin Please hurry home,
As I drive you to the airport.
knowing you'll be gone for long
you'll be leaving us soon.
but it's your job it must be done ,with tears in our eyes
we bid our goodbyes.I've asked you to be strong please don't cry.
As I walk away I won't turn back as much as my heartaches
I know you'll be back, as we walked to the car
I said kids please don't cry its only for awhile
not a forever goodbye.
I said daddy will be back soon but not soon enough
till then we have to be rugged we have to be tough
you'll be gone for 15 months and only days will passed
I wonder if I'll make it, how will I last?
the loneliness I feel, the tears I have shed
are just the beginning of a rough road ahead
the days they are long and the nights they are lonely
I have dreams about you when you were here to hold me.
these days will not last forever they will soon dwindle down
you will first have to travel the whole world around
just know that we miss you and please don't prolong
hurry home darling back home where you belong


Your gone and im alone.
Trying to deal with the pain of you not here at home.
for you its day while its night for me.
only because your a million miles away over seas.
ive learned new things some bad and some fun.
but none of them will matter when this deployment is done.
as this time goes on and disappears.
you will be in my heart as i wait for you here

I love you Kevin D. Scheller

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Oh..When am i gonna feel better?

Ugh, just another one of those days im feeling quite down children just dont wanna listen or do anything i have to say, i know they are brats, but could it be they are acting up as awaby because their daddy is leaving very soon? im not sure all i know im a sure about to lose my mind with them!....Someone help lol right

I just love how pics can say a thousand words at all..... and in these explains how im feeling....
ugh i just hope things start to come across easier for me then what they have been...And this missouri whether really sucks so its not helping much either!..I'm ready for a hot and sunny day outside in the pool with my children and husband and just one day for them to listen to me and not fight!...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Pics explain alot without words =(

Sometimes words never have to be spoken A PIC can tell it all!

Feeling like..the worst is about to come!

Dear God!

Okay where do i even begin?..I sure was hoping this week would have started off as a better week, but that just isnt in the cards for me..I'm gonna need awhole support sytem to get me through these next long 15 months, and if i dont have that i feel the worst is gonna come!..Its truly just not the deployment, yes of course im scared, im gonna fail, or mess up, of course im scared something is gonna happen to kevin!..Of course me and the kids are gonna miss him horribly, But of course all of those things play a part in how i feel today...But the feeling is so much more powerful! and painful that im starting to question myself..I feel like im starting to get depressed again after almost 18months of not having a breakdown!,,Although im no where i was 18months ago..But stressed leads to depression and depression leads to other things.....

So my kids have been keeping me super busy!...Where my mind never stops and my body never slows down..I know i chose to have all 4 of them, and i love each of them with every beat of my heart and will fill my duties on being the best mother i can be....But one person can only take so much of stress that the mind loses control n the body takes over!

The other day while food shopping they promised to be good and listen to me...While we were there, all they did was not listen, they ran up and down the asile, blocking people's way...Putting things in the cart they wernt suppose too..And of course they are just kids right? So i tell them please stop and stand next to mommy so people can get through of course they pretended not to hear me!..And do what they say! and it just seem like my children were the only ones acting like that...My oldest son kept hitting his brother loggy and they of course fight 24/7 as it is anyways so that didnt make things any better, after begging them to please stop i lose it and slap my son landon on his butt, just to have him scream and throw his fits and hit the food, and scream and say"This is why i hate my mom"..he contuined to just keep saying mean things to me!...after all i do for that boy and he treats me like that!...How in the world do you make 4 kids listen to you when they think they rule the world!..i had already had enough and was ready to just put the food back and leave...While i was checking out they decided they didnt wanna stand next to me so they kept runing off, the lady behind me was saying to her husband..."Oh my i feel sorry for her" have her say something like that, totaly made me look and feel more as the BABYSITTER, rather then the mother...its just been bad, and then of course my daughter is getting to that age where she thinks its ok to run her mouth, but to big to be whipped....

So on top of that, i have a husband who is leaving me in about a month for 15months!....I just dont know understand how, when you love someone so much that its gonna be so easy for them to just walk away!...I know the month of aug is coming up real soon, and the least i wanna hear or talk about is him leaving, he just dont understand that not only is he leaving me with a broken heart,to deal with but he is leaving me with 4 little babies who i have to somehow explain to them, how long 15months is and why he is leaving...Then on top of that i have to be the mom and dad in one for the next year in half...I totaly understand im not the only wife out here that is going through this, crap ive been through it before, but i was such a stronger person back then, then i am now...Ive been fighting depression for almost two years now, although i can play it off, like im okay,...But no one knows what it is like in the middle of the night for me..And thats just something i chose not to share!...Ive been thinking i wann be in a better place, im tired of doing the same thing everyday of my life, my life is like a calendar..everyday its the excat same thing...Im tired of being here!...And being stressed and depressed and having to but on a brave face for the people that mean the most to you...But no one knows what it is like fighting depression inless you have fought it before, it dont go away over night and sometimes it never goes away....I just chose to deal with mine in a different way,then taking pills for it!...I have two people that i love with all my heart and a niece..And pills havve destroyed their lives and i wont do that to my children!,...

Everyone around me acts like this is no big deal and im this strong person who doesnt have feelings!...But i am not, im a very weak person inside and cant take much these days before i break down....But all though there is nothing i can do to make him change his mind or them change there mind so im gonna have to accept what life brings for us....And know what dont break us will make us stronger!.....i just wish there was someway i just couldnt care so i wouldnt have to go through so much pain!..cause its not fair at all no one should have to hurt!...i will always remmeber what one of my best friends told me.....

"To the world you might only be one"
"But to one you are the world"

And at last.....Im trying to overpower my emotionals because ive decided to let my daughter go to tx with my neice and her boyfriend on wednesday.this is gonna be hard for me, because i have never left my children more then 3 days at a time, and one time was because i didnt have a choice, and the 2nd was because my baby!...Because she has nevre been away from me that long...But she loves morgan and shawn so im gonna let her visit!...PleaSE god make sure everything is gonna be okay..Sis take care of my baby ..gosh im gonna ball my eyes out!...With stressed, depression, deployment and my daughter leaving not sure how much more one person will beable to take but i will just have to wait for tomorrow and see what it brings

God Blessd

Friday, July 17, 2009

Just some things you should know about me!

-My Name is Christina
-I'm 5ft short blonde hair hazel eyes
-I'm married to the most amazing Guy ever! .
-We share 4 wonderful little children together.
-I've been married 10years =).
-Christmas is my Fav holiday.
-I hate the way convenience stores smell.
-I hate spiders
-I'm really hoping 2009 turns out better than 2008 did... but with my kev gone i doubt it!
-I love spending time with my children/husband its my most fav thing to do.
-I love subway yumm.
-I am about to go back to school and THEN get my degree. I can't wait to finish.
-I wanna be a Doctor someday.
-I can't wait to be bill's free
-I own my own home with my husband
-I sleep with my mouth open. I'll be the first to admit it's pretty sick.
-I dont ever fart...ugh
-I bite my lip when I'm bored or nervous... So if you see my doing this, tell me to stop.
-My family is the single most important thing to me.
-I hate that people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're".
-Me and kevin share the kind of love they sing about in country songs.
-My best friend's name is Kevin. D Scheller. infact thats my hubby.
-I didn't think Twilight was as good as everyone claims it to be. In fact, I thought it was kind of stupid.
-I want to meet Oprah, Elvis and Steve Martin.
-My lil boys are pretty legit. And they're cuter than your lil boys. Guaranteed.
-My mom is the most amazing woman in my life I couldn't get through life without her.
-My Daughter is also the most amazing little girl in my life, and she makes me so proud i couldnt live without her.
-My husband is incredible, the hardest worker I know. I will never get tired of bein his wife. NEVER.
-My dad also means the world to me he is the only father i will ever have!
-I have family in South Carolina & new york that I absolutely adore and wish I saw more than once a year.
-I really want to go on a cruise!
-I hate to cook but starting to learn!
-I think love movies are the best!
-I dont want my kev kev to go to iraq!
-I twitter more then most people.
-I'm gonna miss my husband way more then any of the rest of the wives out there...Guaranteed
-I have way more then most people over half my age!..Thanks kevin i love you

--"We accept the love we think we deserve." Best quote of all time, pretty much sums it up.

Christina Scheller

How about a Friday..

Well lets see...i needed to vent and this seems to be just the place to do it....Ive been trying to stay strong,..and be the mother im suppose to be...But when you got 4 children who just seem to think they rule the world how in the world does one women do it!.....thats what i keep asking myself although i know im not the only military wife out in this crazy lonely world that has 4 small children and dealing with the stress of a very long and painful deployment right around the corner! just gonna miss that person to death, and when they say love can be painful they sure didnt lie!...Having to watch the one that has the other half of your heart, the one who does everything for you, the one who you spent everyday with, the one that you have spent everyday with for the last 5yrs pretty much, the one who is the father of your 4 little children,the one that you can always count on no matter what,the one that loves you more then anything eles,the one that makes you feel safe,and the one that even though its not gonna be okay he still makes you think it is.The one who has giving you everything you ever wanted, walk across that airport and onto that plane!, im not so sure about this day coming up...I know i always say im as strong as they are made, but having to tell my little loggy bear and landon and sandra just how long their daddy is gonna be gone for i just dont think im that strong!..Its gonna rip their little hearts out i know for sure cause unlike us we have always had him around for us so i have never had to do this before!...And right lieing isnt right but will it be right this time???I always keep telling myself i can do it, but the question and anwser remain open!....Can i really do it?....i dont want the month of August to ever come around..thats how sad i am, i feel like someone is slowly ripping my heart out!....but im trying to remain strong and give it all to GOD, and just pray that he gets me through and brings My kevin home!...and i mean bring him home safely!...i love him so much!...and so does our children!...if i already miss him this much, how much more an i gonna be able to take how much more pain is it gonna be?????? how much more can you miss a person...i knew i loved him from the very begining but i never thought i could miss him as much as i already miss him and he isnt even gone yet.Me and the kids are gonna be so lost without him!...Cause kevin is all we have, he truly is my other right hand, and my childrens's teacher, daddy and role model, and hero in 1!! please pray for me and our children and for our Hero to come home safely!!>....thats all for now willl blog again soon

Christina Lynn Scheller

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My daddy is the best

This is my daughter sandra and her daddy!..she is gonna miss him so much =( but with his love we can make it through anything and anywhere..we love you

We miss our kev kev...

The love of my life!

Well as many of you know, kevin will be leaving us on August 17th to go to iraq, at the moment he is in training on base close by..So they have been real nice letting him come home sometime at night to spend sometime at home...i couldnt have ask for more....since we should feel lucky since none of the rest of them do...I just really hope this deployment goes fast and smooth for me and the kids, and that our kevin comes home safe We just recently celebrated our 10yr of being married..i can't believe 10yrs have gone by so fast already..but im looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together, and when he comes home next year we will be renewing our vows...i love you so much kevin d. scheller please dont forget that... and know i have never doubted you...

Please keep him in your prayers!...

here are our last pics as a whole family!

July 14 & thunderstorms

Okay...well today looks like we will be spending all day inside..due to all this nasty wheather looking like we will be having thunderstorms through out the day so there will be no swiming in the pool today...Oh man!...4 kids inside all day im gonna lose my mind...shall be fun...lmao i havnt gotton to talk to kevin today although i did get a good morning I LOVE YOU text....he's so sweet i dont want him to go...gosh im gonna miss him horribly life just isnt gonna be the same with out him here...But we are gonna do our best to make the most out of it and know god will take care of him for us, while he is away i plan on learning to do somethings, that ive never had to do on my own, and one of those things is COOKING.. i wanna be able to make my kev kev dinner when he comes home instead of him always cooking for us..but we are diff gonna miss our master cook...Not sure what kind of thanksgiving we will be having since our master cook wont be here with us =( but what dont break us will make us stronger!...Today i plan on buying the airbrush make-up been hearing alot about it and i wanna try it..cant wait!...Next week i will start to workout everyday and hopfuly by the time school starts i will beable to work out twice a day as i would like i will keep everyone updated on where that takes me...enough for now will blog more later

The Scheller's